How I found my way back to myself
Then this day finally came. I’ve been waiting so long to release this particular sewing pattern. I hope you will give No. 29 Milano a warm welcome. She’s the newest lady in my catalogue of sewing patterns—a beautiful, elegant dress and blouse with many pretty details.
The sewing pattern has been put aside for a very long time. My wonderful testers tested it in autumn 2023, but as I’ve talked about on other channels, 2023 was hard on me, and I had to pause many things in my life. The new year came with a breath of fresh air, inspiration and motivation to get this pattern done. I’m happy it’s finally out in the world, and my world has become more steady and quiet again.
As most of my patterns do, the idea of the sewing pattern No. 29 Milano started as a piece of clothing for my own wardrobe. It’s a blouse I made pre-covid, maybe even before 2017, when I still worked from home without an office. I’m always missing blouses in my wardrobe as I prefer dresses. So No. 29 Milano was an attempt to make a blouse that was my style; many details and an interesting sewing technique. Most of my earliest sewing patterns come from my own style. I have a hard time following trends; when I try to, those sketches always end in the trashcan. Trends aren’t sustainable in the long run.
I grew very fond of the blouse and ended up sewing it in various colours and also made it into a dress or two. Every time I wore it, I got so many compliments, and all the lovely ladies at my workshops always wanted me to make it into a pattern. But I didn’t think it had enough “commercial value” to be released.
You see, at this specific moment in time, around 2020, we stood in a very uncertain world situation with a disease that shut down our society, including my small business with workshops. At the same time, we had just moved into a bigger studio with a higher rent, and I had more employees than ever. I had to learn, navigate and understand my new role as a leader, where I had previously only been my boss.
The crisis hit all over the world and ended up being a crisis within me but in a different way than the outside world. Previously, when I made a sewing pattern, I did it from gut feeling and what I liked to wear in my own life: lots of details, complexity and challenge. But suddenly, I saw it as a necessity that all the sewing patterns I released had to be “commercial” to justify a place in the sewing industry. I thought a lot about what everyone else was thinking – or what I thought they were thinking. What other people wanted from a sewing pattern and not what I or my gut feeling wanted. I thought, “It’s a long time since I’ve had a pattern for a coat, so I must make that for my next pattern”, or “Vi only has two sewing patterns of pants but hundreds of dresses; I need to make more pants” and the thought that took up the most space in my head: “Everyone wants to see simple things now, so I have to make some easy patterns so beginners also can sew my patterns”. In that process, I got further away from the core upon which I built the HTDF universe.
It’s a natural part of life to experiment, especially during crises and changes. I experienced significant changes in my work life, the world, and myself. I got older, turned 40, gained weight, began training, gained weight again, and needed glasses – all those things that come when you go from “adult” to “mature and adult woman”. I have experimented a lot with my style over the past three years. I’ve been insecure in my personal style and often felt uncomfortable and not “safe” in my body because it changed a lot, and it was hard to recognise it. You can see that in the sewing patterns I’ve released in the past 2-3 years. I experiment with new styles than my first sewing patterns come from.
Maybe you can say that the company HTDF has been a teenager, and I’ve been the confused and frustrated parent who doesn’t know how I should communicate with my teenage child and help her in the enormous process.
I’m slowly landing and finding myself at home in my new body, like a mature adult woman. And HTDF is soon out of puberty, I feel.
You helped me. Do you remember I put out a survey in autumn? Your answers were very helpful and helped me get back on track. You made me remember why I do this. You told me that there are already a lot of sewing patterns out there for basic and easy clothing. You reminded me that my place in this sewing industry is my complex and detailed sewing patterns. My style.
I went from gut feeling to business. I learned a lot on the way, but I’m ready to return to my gut feeling. The Italian series (Yes, there will be more sewing patterns soon) is an excellent example of that: I’m coming home to my style. A brand new (re)start. This time, I don’t want to overthink about what people will say about the finished sewing pattern. I want to make it because I think it’s beautiful; it has been fun to develop, but even more importantly, it has been interesting to sew and wear my homemade clothing.
No. 29 Milano (and the rest of the coming Italian series) proves that I’m finding my way back home. I feel this sewing pattern in my gut. I’ve learned that I must feel a sewing pattern before releasing it. I have (re)learned that it should be fun to sew and develop a sewing pattern. But most importantly, I’ve learned to trust myself. The sewing pattern has brought me back to my core and helped me find my way back to HTDF. That’s why this sewing pattern is so special to me, and I hope you can also make it into a very special piece of clothing in your wardrobe.
